What Kind of Dinner Guest Are You?

Most of what has been written about dinner-party etiquette seems directed at the host—the person who bears the onus when guests don’t mingle well, meal courses run late, or when that bottle of wine you so carefully chose turns up corked.

But even if the host is a pro at entertaining, it is the dinner guests who ultimately steer the experience with their good or bad manners.

An invitation to someone’s house for food and drink doesn’t mean you should assume the role of pampered pet – at least not until you realize a few important responsibilities that will keep you on the invite list for future soirees.

For starters, a simple RSVP by a given deadline is a critical and respectful step in the right direction—no matter from what class of life you originate. (I’m all for the  “two strikes and you’re out” approach when it comes to this offense.)

With Covid vaccines providing leeway to expand our social bubbles, here are a few less-stringent do’s and don’ts that can spare you from earning the title of “annoying guest,” or even worse, “the guest from hell.”

• DO arrive to your dinner party with something simple in hand—a bottle of wine or champagne, a box of candy or cookies, etc. Flowers are fine too, provided the bouquet isn’t some mammoth, leafy arrangement that requires the busy host to trim down before finding a suitable vase.
• DON’T show up early. It’s an assault on your host as well as a revelation of your obsessive complusive disorder. The rule of thumb is to be on time for sit-down dinners, with flexibility generally given to those who are 10 minutes late for buffets, and 15 minutes tardy for cocktail-hors d’oeuvre gatherings.
• DO stay out of the kitchen when your host is cooking and plating food—unless you are asked for emergency assistance.
• DON’T arrive drunk or distressed over personal issues. Nothing destroys the social dynamic of a dinner party faster.
• DO go out of your way to converse with fellow guests who are either shy or not part of the group’s inner circle. Oftentimes it’s the thumb twiddlers and outliers who turn out to be the life of the party once you engage them.
• DON’T venture into remote bathrooms or rooms with closed doors, which your host likely deemed off limits to snoopy guests. Basically, stick to areas where food and drinks are served, or else be prepared to come face to face with the inhabitants’ un-laundered underwear.
• DO make an attempt to sample foods that you think you won’t like. One person’s recipe for chicken livers could end up tasting much better than those you once gagged over at some Podunk diner.
• DON’T bring food unless it’s a potluck—or unless your host takes perverted pleasure in serving Hamburger Helper.
• DON’T assume everyone at the party seeks exposure on social media. If you’re the type who posts photos of everything you do and everyone you see, take pause by asking permission from the people whose photos you want to publicize. It’s the polite thing to do for too many reasons to list here.
  
• DON’T overstay your welcome. If your host mentions that he or she must get an early start the next day for work or other matters–or gazes at you blankly with droopy eyes, take it as a cue to drag your well-fed ass out the door sooner than later.
• DO send a text message, email or an old-school thank-you card the following day to show your gratitude. Even better, consider returning the favor by throwing a dinner party yourself.

(Photo at top by Mona Masoumi)