January seems like an ill-conceived month for Mtn Dew to roll out “Major Melon,” which is its latest refreshment infused with lab-created watermelon flavor and bright-magenta coloring.
The summery soda will hit national store shelves around Jan. 4, followed shortly thereafter with “Zero Sugar,” a dietary alternative to its original citrus flavor.
Known for its hardy caffeine content and whopping 46 grams of sugar per 12-ounce can, Major Melon is rumored to contain only a few less grams of the white stuff in comparison. It will join the ranks of recently released flavors such as Baja Blast, Electric Apple, Kickstart Strawberry-Kiwi and several others that are far removed from the spectrum of natural foods.
But the madcap experiments in sugary beverages don’t end there.
It’s yet to be seen how fans of Pepsi will receive an upcoming “Cocoa Cola” flavor that aims for a surreal essence of hot cocoa with wisps of marshmallow. The bubbly chocolate-flavored soda is expected to debut in limited edition by early February, perhaps burying for good Pepsi’s fly-by-night pineapple and apple pie iterations from earlier this year.
In the meantime, Diet Coke’s spunky, new flavors continue making their way into stores. They include “twisted mango,” zesty blood orange” and “feisty cherry.”
As with any soda product, drink in moderation or not at all.
Mad scientism! Major melonism!